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Learning to Read
and Write
by Frederick Douglass |
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I
lived in Master Hugh's family about seven years. During this time, I succeeded
in learning to read and write. In accomplishing this, I was compelled
to resort to various stratagems. I had no regular teacher. My mistress,
who had kindly commenced to instruct me, had, in compliance with the advice
and direction of her husband, not only ceased to instruct, but had set
her face against my being instructed by anyone else. It is due, however,
to my mistress to say of her, that she did not adopt this course of treatment
immediately. She at first lacked the depravity indispensable to shutting
me up in mental darkness. It was at least necessary for her to have some
training in the exercise of irresponsible power, to make her equal to
the task of treating me as though I were a brute. My
mistress was, as I have said, a kind and tender-hearted woman; and in
the simplicity of her soul she commenced, when I first went to live with
her, to treat me as she supposed one human being ought to treat another.
In entering upon the duties of a slaveholder, she did not seem to perceive
that I sustained to her the relation of a mere chattel, and that for her
to treat me as a human being was not only wrong, but dangerously so. Slavery
proved as injurious to her as it did to me. When I went there, she was
a pious, warm, and tender-hearted woman. There was no sorrow or suffering
for which she had not a tear. She had bread for the hungry, clothes for
the naked, and comfort for every mourner that came within her reach. Slavery
soon proved its ability to divest her of these heavenly qualities. Under
its influence, the tender heart became stone, and the lamb-Iike disposition
gave way to one of tiger-like fierce- ness. The first step in her downward
course was in her ceasing to instruct me. She now commenced to practice
her husband's precepts. She finally became even more violent in her opposition
than her husband himself. She was not satisfied with simply doing as well
as he had commanded; she seemed anxious to do better. Nothing seemed to
make her more angry than to see me with a newspaper. She seemed to think
that here lay the danger. I have had her rush at me with a face made all
up of fury, and snatch from me a newspaper, in a manner that fully revealed
her apprehension. She was an apt woman; and a little experience soon demonstrated,
to her satisfaction, that education and slavery were incompatible with
each other.
From this time I was most narrowly
watched. If I was in a separate room any considerable length of time,
I was sure to be suspected of having a book, and was at once called to
give an account of myself. All this, however, was too late. The first
step had been taken. Mistress, in teaching me the alphabet, had given
me the inch, and no precaution could prevent me from taking the
ell.
The plan which I adopted, and the
one by which I was most successful, was that of making friends of all
the little white boys whom I met in the street. As many of these as I
could, I converted into teachers. With their kindly aid, obtained at different
times and in different places, I finally succeeded in learning to read.
When I was sent to errands, I always took my book with me, and by doing
one part of my errand quickly, I found time to get a lesson before my
return. I used also to carry bread with me, enough of which was always
in the house, and to which I was always welcome; for I was much better
off in this regard than many of the poor white children in our neighborhood.
This bread I used to bestow upon the hungry little urchins, who, in return,
would give me that more valuable bread of knowledge. I am strongly tempted
to give the names of two or three of those little boys, as a testimonial
of the gratitude and affection I bear them; but prudence forbids-not that
it would injure me, ~ but it might embarrass them; for it is almost an
unpardonable offense to teach slaves to read in this Christian country.
It is enough to say of the dear little fellows, that they lived on Philpot
Street, very near Durgin and Bailey's shipyard. I used to talk this matter
of slavery over with them. I would sometimes say to them, I wished I could
be as free as they would be when they got to be men. "You will be
free as soon as you are twenty- one, but I am a slave for life! Have
not I as good a right to be free as you have?" These words used to
trouble them; they would express for me the liveliest sympathy, and console
me with the hope that something would occur by which I might be free.
I
was now about twelve-years-old, and the thought of being a slave for
life began to bear heavily upon my heart. Just about this time, I
got hold of a book entitled "The Columbian Orator." Every opportunity
I got, I used to read this book. Among much of other interesting matter,
I found in it a dialogue between a master and his slave. The slave was
rep- resented as having run away from his master three times. The dialogue
represented the conversation which took place between them, when the slave
was retaken the third time. In this dialogue, the whole argument in behalf
of slavery was brought forward by the master, all of which was disposed
of by the slave. The slave was made to say some very smart as, well as
impressive things in reply to his master-things which had the de- sired
though unexpected effect; for the conversation resulted in the voluntary
emancipation of the slave on the part of the master.
In
the same book, I met with one of Sheridan's mighty speeches on and in
behalf of Catholic emancipation. These were choice documents to me. I
read them over and over again with unabated interest. They gave tongue
to interesting thoughts of my own soul, which had frequently flashed through
my mind, and died away for want of utterance. The moral which I gained
from the dialogue was the power of truth over the conscience of even a
slaveholder. What I got from Sheridan was a bold denunciation of slavery,
and a powerful vindication of human rights. The reading of these documents
enabled me to utter my thoughts, and to meet the arguments brought forward
to sustain slavery; but while they relieved me of one difficulty, they
brought on another even more painful than the one of which I was relieved.
The more I read, the more I was led to abhor and detest my enslavers.
I could regard them in no other light than a band of successful robbers,
who had left their homes, and gone to Africa, and stolen us from our homes,
and in a strange land reduced us to slavery. I loathed them as being the
meanest as well as the most wicked of men. As I read and contemplated
the subject, behold that very discontentment which Master Hugh had predicted
would follow my learning to read had already come, to torment and sting
my soul to unutterable anguish. As I writhed under it, I would at times
feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing. It
had given me a view of my wretched condition, without the remedy. It opened
my eyes to the horrible pit, but to no ladder upon which to get out. In
moments of agony, I envied my fellow-slaves for their stupidity .I have
often wished myself a beast. I preferred the condition of the meanest
reptile to my own. Anything, no matter what, to get rid of thinking! It
was this everlasting thinking of my condition that tormented me. There
was no getting rid of it. It was pressed upon me by every object within
sight or hearing, animate or inanimate. The silver trump of freedom had
roused my soul to eternal wakefulness. Freedom now appeared, to disappear
no more forever. It was heard in every sound, and seen in every thing.
It was ever present to torment me with a sense of my wretched condition.
I saw nothing without seeing it, I heard nothing without hearing it, and
felt nothing without feeling it. It looked from every star, it smiled
in every calm, breathed in every wind, and moved in every storm.
I
often found myself regretting my own existence, and wishing myself dead;
and but for the hope of being free, I have no doubt but that I should
have killed myself, or done something for which I should have been killed.
While in this state of mind, I was eager to hear anyone speak of slavery
.I was a ready listener. Every little while, I could hear some- thing
about the abolitionists. It was some time before I found what the word
meant. It was always used in such connections as to make it an interesting
word to me. If a slave ran away and succeeded in getting clear, or if
a slave killed his master, set fire to a barn, or did anything very wrong
in the mind of a slaveholder, it was spoken of as the fruit of abolition.
Hearing the word in this connection very often, I set about learning
what it meant. The dictionary afforded me little or no help. I found it
was "the act of abolishing"; but then I did not know what was
to be abolished. Here I was perplexed. I did not dare to ask anyone about
its meaning, for I was satisfied that it was something they wanted me
to know very little about. After a patient waiting, I got one of our city
papers, containing an account of the number of petitions from the North,
praying for the abolition of slavery in the District of Columbia, and
of the slave trade between the States. From this time I understood the
words abolition and abolitionist, and always drew near when
that word was spoken, expecting to hear something of importance to myself
and fellow-slaves. The light broke in upon me by degrees. I went one day
down on the wharf of Mr. Waters; and seeing two Irishmen unloading a scow
of stone, I went, unasked, and helped them. When we had finished, one
of them came to me and asked me if I were a slave. I told him I was. He
asked, " Are ye a slave for life?" I told him that I was. The
good Irishman seemed to be deeply affected by the statement. He said to
the other that it was a pity so fine a little fellow as myself should
be a slave for life. He said it was a shame to hold me. They both advised
me to run away to the North; that I should find friends there, and that
I should be free. I pretended not to be interested in what they said,
and treated them as if I did not understand them; for I feared they might
be treacherous. White men have been known to encourage slaves to escape,
and then, to get the reward, catch them and return them to their masters.
I was afraid that these seemingly good men might use me so; but I nevertheless
remembered their advice, and from that time I resolved to run away. I
looked forward to a time at which it would be safe for me to escape. I
was too young to think of doing so immediately; besides, I wished to learn
how to write, as I might have occasion to write my own pass. I consoled
myself with the hope that I should one day find a good chance. Meanwhile,
I would learn to write.
The
idea as to how I might learn to write was suggested to me by being in
Durgin and Bailey's ship-yard, and frequently seeing the ship carpenters,
after hewing, and getting a piece of timber ready for use, write on the
timber the name of that part of the ship for which it was intended. When
a piece of timber was intended for the larboard side, it would be marked
thus-"L." When apiece was for the starboard side, it would be
marked thus--S.F." A piece for the larboard side forward, would be
marked thus-"L.F." When apiece was for starboard side forward,
it would be marked thus-"S.F." For larboard aft, it would be
marked thus-"L.A." For starboard aft, it would be marked thus-"S.A."
I soon learned the names of these letters, and for what they were intended
when placed upon a piece of timber in the shipyard. I immediately commenced
copying them, and in a short time was able to make the four letters named.
After that, when I met with any boy who I knew could write, I would tell
him I could write as well as he. The next word would be, "1 don't
believe you. Let me see you try it." I would then make the letters
which I had been so fortunate as to learn, and ask him to beat that. In
this way I got a good many lessons in writing, which it is quite possible
I should never have gotten in any other way. During this time, my copy-
book was the board fence, brick wall, and pavement; my pen and ink was
a lump of chalk. With these, I learned mainly how to write. I then commenced
and continued copying the Italics in Webster's Spelling Book, until
I could make them all without looking in the book. By this time, my little
Master Thomas had gone to school, and learned how to write, and had written
over a number of copy-books. These had been brought home, and shown to
some of our near neighbors, and then laid aside. My mistress used to go
to class meeting at the Wilk Street meeting-house every Monday afternoon,
and leave me to take care of the house. When left thus, I used to spend
the time in writing in the spaces left in master Thomas's copy-book, copying
what he had written. I continued to do this until I could write a hand
very similar to that of Master Thomas. Thus, after a long, tedious effort
for years, I finally succeeded in learning how to write.
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