The
question is often asked, but the answer should depend on what type of
secret you’re asked to keep. Some family secrets should not be kept, especially
when the well being of a child is at stake.
Never assume that abuse within the family is merely a family secret,
and that other family members can control it. There are some steps to
take that could end the cycle of abuse.
Therapist
Jennifer Groebe advises that your first step in ending the cycle of abuse
is to remove the endangered child from the abusive situation--ensure physical
safety as a first step, then provide restoration such as counseling.
Children, she says, should be taught to tell of any abuse, whether
from family members or others. Furthermore, Bay Area Women Against Rape advises that parents
should talk to their children more.
If a child tells a parent that he doesn’t like to be around a particular
person or that he or she doesn't like the way someone touches him or her,
parents should explore that situation a little more deeply and ask questions
to see what is really happening.
Find out what kind of touching the child is talking about and why
the child doesn't like being around that person.
Parents
need to be aware of drastic changes in the behavior of a child.
For example, if a child’s grades change drastically in either direction,
these are changes that should be questioned.
Also, it is not normal for a 13 year-old to play with a 5 year-old.
Even if the child lies and claims that abuse happened when it did
not, this is not normal behavior either. Parents should protect the child;
if necessary, call the police or contact Child Protective Services.
Abuse
happens at every level: economic, race, creed, color, and religion.
A family under a great deal of stress should seek help to avoid
an abusive situation. Parents need not feel ashamed about seeking counseling to obtain
good parental skills. Parental
Stress has a 24-hour crisis support service. They are located through
the nation. Look in the phone directory for their number.
Above
all, learn to listen to your child. Usually, if there is abuse in a family,
it’s usually abuse by a family member or a close friend of the family.[]
Jessie L.
