A Casualty of War

Next Week:
"The Anatomy of a Loser"

Ms. Yolanda H. is a resident of Oakland, CA. She is a young, college-educated woman who dates and understands the games that men  and women play in love. She will be writing a regular column expressing the female side of Derek On!. 

If you have questions or feedback, let us know. 

I am a casualty of war, of course, I do not mean that literally.  I have never taken part in any form of combat unless you count the occasional fisticuffs my sister and I exchanged when we were younger.  Although I have never actually been on a real front-line, I still view myself as a solder.  I have been battered and broken (not literally) in my quest to find Mr. Right.  I have picked myself up repeatedly to continue the fight.  I have learned from my mistakes and tried not to repeat them only to conclude that there is no Mr. Right.  However, there is a Mr. all right and at this point in my life, he will just have to due. 

Everyday we all suit up in combat gear and arm ourselves to do battle with the “Enemy”.  Right now, I am guessing that you are asking yourself, who is the “Enemy”?  Well, I am glad you asked, as a solider in the female army, I have been taught that the enemy is the male species.  And through my personal life experiences I have learned that the enemy is conniving and can come in female or male forms.  In my opinion the reason why the “War of the Sexes” continues to rage on is because men and women won’t admit that enemies come in all shapes, sizes and sexes.  We are all content to just beat up on the opposite sex and point the finger of blame in a direction far, far away from ourselves.  Once we realize that men and women are equally to blame for the madness that passes for dating in the 21^st century the better off we will be.  

I was asked to write this column to provide a female perspective on dating, sex, and relationships, not necessarily in that order but you get the picture.  I will be the first to tell you that I do not know everything about any of these subjects.  However, what I do know is based on my own experiences as well as the experiences of people I know.  These experiences, some good, some bad have actually made me who I am today. 

I have so much to share and so little time it seems, but I will get a number of my thoughts out on paper, which will be a form of therapy for me and hopefully for you too.  I imagine that after you hear my perspective on different issues you might find yourself saying things like, “ I feel the same way.”  On the other hand, you might say things like,  “That chick doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”  I am here to stimulate your mind, make you think, and to tell it like it T-I-IS.  In other words, no matter how you view my commentary, in the end I have done my job. 

I know what you are thinking, but you are wrong, this column will not be full of male bashing commentary.  I am an equal opportunity kind of girl, which, simply put, means I have a beef with the ladies too.  This is why I have decided to kick my first column off by talking to the ladies. 

I have noticed that women are constantly complaining and, dare I say, whining that they want to be respected by men.  Yet, for some reason, a number of you sisters have not learned that you need to respect yourselves first.  I see you every weekend in the bars, clubs, and restaurants practically throwing yourselves at single and not so single men.  All I can say to you ladies is, “Get a Grip!”  I know that the media keeps drilling this “man shortage” idea into your heads, but that does not mean you have to sell yourself short to get a man.  Wake up ladies, do you think the world will come crashing down on you if you don’t have a man in your life?  Will the Earth stop rotating?  Will the sun stop shinning?  The answer to these questions, in case you did not know it, is NO!  Life will continue tomorrow just as it did yesterday even if you do not have a man today. 

What has the world come to when you see a woman racing down the street honking her horn and flashing her high beams in hot pursuit of a nice car with a good looking man in it?  Are we so desperate to find a mate in the 21^st century that we would degrade ourselves and subject ourselves to buffoonery?  Ladies, if you cannot see how degrading something like that is, at least look at how dangerous it is to pedestrians as well as yourself.  If nothing else, you need to realize how corny a stunt like that is.  I am not saying that we need to be docile or meek, but can we at least have a little class about ourselves?  Trust me when I say that it is not cute or attractive to chase after someone.  I think the best word for it is desperate.  

I am also confused about what prompts women to approach men while they are talking to another woman.  Women are relentless when they have set their sights on a man.  I have seen cleaner fighting during a WWF Smackdown matches.  You women are ruthless, can’t you at least show a little respect by waiting until they part company before you start trying to chat him up?  I just want to know and maybe someone out there can help me out with this one:  Where does someone get the courage to do something like that?  I could never do that because it is rude and disrespectful.  My mother always told me that it was rude to interrupt a conversation between two people.  Are we lacking home training and respect too?  

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies don’t you know that by doing things like those you are elevating men to a higher plateau then women?  You are saying that you will do anything including disrespecting yourself and others to be with a man.  All the sexy clothes and ridiculous tricks will not help you hold on to a man if he does not respect you.

I get sick of men coming at me the wrong way because every other woman they have been with accepts their tired lines and lame excuses.  If you ladies aren’t willing to recognize the game then at least give the women who have a clue a break, by taking all the losers that you women have created off of our hands.  We certainly do not want them, and you, obviously, cannot get enough of them; so why not round them up and divvy them up amongst yourselves?  Believe me, when I say that you Ladies and the Men you have created really deserve each other.  

If I may be blunt for just a second (as if you can stop me) you women who go for anything make it bad for women like me, women who recognize the game for what it is (a game).  You may be clueless, but you are not hopeless.  I can help enlighten you about the way the game works as well as your role in it.  If you just follow the three steps I have prescribed, you will find that your life will dramatically change. 

Step 1:
Stop falling for all the lies and dumb excuses men throw your way!  Do not be so gullible; if you have a feeling that something is not right, check it out.  Just because he says it is so does not make it so. 

Step 2:
Stop letting your hormones run your life!  Women have come a long way; we are finally able to acknowledge that we are sexual beings.  This is wonderful, but you do not have to sleep with everyone that you meet to prove that you are in control of your body. 

Step 3:
Last but not least (you must remember this even if you forget everything else I have said): Get a life, ladies!  You will find that if you have something to do with your time, you will not worry so much that you do not have someone to do.  Be safe. []

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