Some women today have decided to take on the roles of engineer and sculptor. They feel like they can take an imperfect man and mold him into Mr. Right. Then there are the women who think that they can take the prototype of a man (Losers) and build a better model. I hate to break it you ladies, there is no Mr. Right (there is barely enough Mr. Allrights around). You cannot turn Pookie into Prince Charming with a kiss, and the best sex in the world is not going to make a Mr. Wrong do right.

Humans are imperfect; we all have good and bad characteristics that make us who we are. We also have the option to work on our bad traits to try to correct them, but that is up to the individual in question. This, simply put, means, ladies, if he does not think he is broke then you cannot fix him no matter how hard you try.

As you may have already guessed from reading my previous columns, I have an extremely low tolerance level when it comes to losers. I am not willing to try to transform a man into who I want him to be. My philosophy is that when you look for a mate, you should try to find an individual who meets the standards you have set for yourself. If he falls a little short, he can still be an acceptable mate (sometimes), but do not allow his shortcomings to outweigh the traits you are actually looking for. If you lower your standards too much, you end up with a Loser.

Perhaps the issue is not the standards you have set for yourself; perhaps it is the way you visualize men. When I see a man who does not have anything going for him, I do not see an incomplete Renoir; what I do see is one of those velvet paintings of those dogs playing poker. In case you do not understand this analogy, it is this: I would not hang one of those hideous paintings in my living room (no offense to anybody who thinks those paintings are nice), so why would I invite a mess of a man into my bedroom?

Some women should WAKE UP! It is not your job or right to try to change anyone. If you get with a man that is not on his P's and Q's, you need to be prepared to deal with the fall out from your actions. Do not start grumbling about his faults and how you got with him because you thought you could change him or help him get his life together. I hate when I hear females gripe about how their man will not get a job and how they have to pay for everything. Listen: "It's your fault honey!" You are the one who chose him and stayed with him even after you found he was a loser. I never have to tell a man to call Tyrone because if I find out in the beginning that you are a mess, I clean house before the mess gets out of hand.

I have never considered myself a molder of men because, frankly, I do not want anyone trying to change me. I always tell the men I am involved with that this is a total package if one part bothers you so much that you feel you need to change me, you need to step (Leave, go away, get lost, or beat it depending, on my mood at the time.) Stop pretending as if you are Mother Theresa, ladies. If you really want to shape a mind, go volunteer at the boys and girls club or you can become a troop leader for the girl scouts. I hope that you get the picture, ladies.

I have learned from personal experiences that you can push and push until you cannot push any more, and the person still will not change if they do not want to. Besides, why would anyone want someone who has so many faults that they needed a total makeover? You should want to be with someone you like for who that person is. When you try to change someone, what you are really saying is that this person is not good enough for you and that you do not really like him or her. You are suppose to accept people for who they are, the total package, so stop picking people you want to fix. If you really want to get technical, there is a way to avoid all of the drama: do not take up with men who are not handling their business.

Here is some advice for all the ladies out there that have decided to settle for less because you think that you can make a man into who you want him to be--WAKE UP! You may believe that you have gotten through to him until one day he finds another woman who likes him just the way he is. You know what happens next: he dumps you, and you are all alone, sitting at home wondering what went wrong, while he enjoys the company of his new ladylove. I am not trying to say you should accept losers for what they are, I am simply saying do not pick up with a loser because you think you can make him a winner. Leave those losers alone because it is more hassle then it is worth.

Be Safe!
Yolanda