Family Matters


Children's bodies are Private

I do not pretend to know all that there is to know concerning family matters. I am a survivor of many different forms of abuse:  physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse.  I will be sharing with you some things I’ve experienced and learned concerning matters of the family, including sexual and physical abuse.    

Children should be taught that their bodies are private, and they belong to themselves.  Above all, no one has the right to touch them in their private places in a manner that is strange or perhaps just doesn’t feel right.  Children need to know that they have the right to say no and should report any unsavory touches.  

No child is too young to be told of these things. These issues can be discussed with your child or you can bury your head in the sand and keep silent. But child molesters depend on the ignorance of parents and the innocence of children.    

Many African Americans refuse to believe that Black people commit acts of rape, incest, and/or conduct themselves in lewd and indecent ways with young children. Furthermore, we feel that we as a people just don't rape or molest our innocent children. Sadly, it happens with Blacks as it does with all other races--not as frequently, but it happens still. 

The fact is sexual abuse started so early in my life that I cannot remember a time in my life where it did not exist.  I am a Black, and so were all the pedophiles and abusive people who entered into my life. There was always some man or older teen-age boy, and once or twice some older girls touching me in sexual ways.    

When I was a child, no one would take a child’s word over an adult's.   One could be spanked for saying that an adult was not telling the truth. If a grown up said you did something wrong, that was the end of story--you did it, even if you did not do it.  And many of my abusers used that code of acceptance as a tool against me.   Even if a child managed to tell of the abuse, you were still without a voice. Many times I heard my abusers say, "Come on over here to me or I'm going to tell your mother that you were being hard headed, and you know what will happen to you."  The rule was you did not take the word of a child over an adult's.   

Perhaps you've heard this before, "Are you going to take this kid’s word over mine?"   For me the answer was always no.  My parents would say: "I asked them,  and they said they didn't do it.  I don't know what to tell you. You are wrong to say things like that about people, and if you mention it again, I'm gonna whip you."   My response to a cry for help was often as traumatic as the event itself.

Rape and molestation are two different things. Rape is usually a one time event, whereas molesters pride themselves on how undetectable their acts are because they plan to use the victim again.  Parents need to teach their children to report all predators. And parents need to listen to their children when they cry for help.