Americans are a very visual social lot. Most Americans like things to be very beautiful and sweet. Check out American magazines, television, and superstars. We like things to be perfect. We are a very vain society and the disabled have to live with this precocious and demeaning American attitude. Most disabled children understand this American phenomenon. Now, can you imagine growing up disabled in a world that values beauty more than important political and social issues? A disabled child looks in the mirror and says 'What can I do?' How can I change this body, this face, and these legs? The disabled young adult understands a world that often closes its doors on individuals who are different.

Disabled youngsters seem to be very insightful individuals; somehow they gain the ability to observe difficult social issues much faster than their non-disabled peers. Most disabled youth are very aware of their place in society. They already know they are different so they are already ahead of the social agenda game.

Most young, non-disabled women freak out over a misplaced eyelash or a broken fingernail - something that will grow back, something that can be replaced or fixed. These same able-bodied women worry about others seeing a run in their stocking, or that small pimple on their face that nobody will ever see. These are real traumatic problems for teenagers and young adults. Now, imagine if you are disabled what the mental weight of these issues could be. // When most non-disabled women venture out on a date, they check their date out from head to toe. They check out all of his measurements: they check his hair, eyes, legs, and hands. Disabled women do not worry about such trivial items. They just want to have fun and go out with their friends and possible lovers. Priorities are different for disabled youth.

Non-disabled males will look at their jacket or shirt, asking 'Could this be the right one to wear to the dance or movie tonight?' Will these clothes blend with the gang, with the crowd? Can these clothes pick up a nice young woman? Young non-disabled men are acting in the same manner in the dating game - they look at their date's clothing shoes, hair and eyes. They check out her assets, which is the normal dating routine.

However, for a young disabled adult, choices can be very limited. He or she might have to work with 100-pound braces to keep legs straight. He or she might have to use crutches or a wheelchair to be mobile. These assisting devices are not very appealing, they are not very sexy, but they may be necessary for mobility. These things also stand out and make a disabled youth different at a time in their life when they really don't want to be different.

When the dating game reaches them, they have to use mind power to catch their mate. Disabled youth have to be creative to make their night out special. // These special young adults have to find clothing that fits the steel and leather leg or arm brace. The Nike, FUBU, Calvin Klein apparel will not be in their closets even though they may yearn for these items. Why not? Because they might have to wear special medical shoes to correct the posture of their growing feet. These medical shoes may look very ugly and may come in only one color or one style--not very appealing to anybody who wants to be seen, let alone a young disabled person.

Parents of disabled young adults have to be very careful about how they tell these very bright early adults that they cannot wear what other young adults are wearing. Parents have to explain why they can't have these articles. The parent may want to give these articles to their disabled child, but how would he or she get it on or off? Parents have to be thinking about the independence of their child and not what looks cool at the time. Maybe a child with cerebral palsy cannot fit into a leather jacket because getting his or her crooked arm into the sleeves would be very difficult. The leather jacket is not flexible enough for a rigid arm that will not straighten out. This is something a non-disabled child never has to confront, never has to think about. He or she can just get dressed and move on about the day.

Unlike their non-disabled peers, most disabled young adults have to work twice as hard to improve their personal hygiene. For me, my first attempts at dressing myself took hours and hours. Brushing the hair and teeth for a non-disabled child might take only minutes, for the disabled youth, it might take a half-hour.

The more practice we have at these everyday functions, the better each of us becomes at performing them. But in the beginning it can be a struggle for any disabled child. For example, there is the challenge of how to put pants on without falling to the floor. I'm still working on how to put shoes on and it's been 40 years of trying. An hour each morning of washing, combing, and brushing seems like forever. But just like playing baseball, football, or basketball, the more you practice these procedures the faster cleaning up can be.

My mother would say to me 'How are you going to attend college if it's going to take you an hour just to dress yourself?' Yes, she had a point and it became very clear. So, each disabled young adult must be challenged to see if they can dress themselves, feed themselves, and help themselves. This is a very hard task but mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers must help these disabled young adults to achieve this goal. Mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers have to understand the tasks a disabled child can complete and which ones he or she will need assistance to complete.

American society loves independent men and women. Being disabled just adds to this challenge of achieving independence. Disabled youth know that our vain society will not accept people who cannot clean themselves every morning or every night. They know the first step into society is your personal hygiene. Make this step an educational experience for the family and the disabled child. []

The Gray Line
5/23/05

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